Families are a “work in progress.” There is rarely a family on the earth that doesn’t face daily problems and challenges. When mothers and fathers work together for the healthy benefit of the family, children grow up with patterns, images, and thoughts that ultimately propel them into creating well-balanced family life when they marry and have children.

While every child knows that a mother matters a lot to their developing childhood, the truth is research has shown that fathers are very important to the upbringing of a child. When a boy has an absent father, statistics show that the child is more violent, gets into trouble, gets hurt more, becomes a member of a teenage gang, gets poor grades, and turns to drugs to fill a feeling that seems to be empty. When a girl has an absent father, they are more apt to have low self-esteem, to have a sexual union before they really want to, look for men to attach to, and not continue their schooling.

Men bring different things to parenting – concepts and feelings that are irreplaceable and distinctive. Fathers sometimes get blamed for leaving parenting concerns to their partner. To some fathers the idea of raising a child is alien. To other fathers, the gratification they receive from being a part of their child’s life can’t be praised enough.

Here are some basic ingredients to help fathers experience a rewarding parental experience.

1. When your partner becomes pregnant, get involved in the pregnancy. Talk with your partner about your hopes and dreams for your child. Fathers that care for their newborn, i.e., gives them a bottle, a bath, and sings to him, are developing something called engrossment. Engrossment is a hormonal feeling that gets fathers in tune with their child. A baby has a whole set of signs and symbols that he uses to make his wishes known. A sensitive father perceives it, understands it, and responds to it. A lot of mothers tell me that their husbands are the one who does the walking, rocking, and singing to their babies to get them to sleep at night. Fathers should call on the support and advice of their own mothers. Mostly, a father should take a sense of delight in being a part of the baby’s life.

2. The single most important thing that a child needs is their parents’ time and attention. Fathers that routinely work fifty and sixty hour workweeks should create an entirely new routine. Perhaps even considering changing jobs that require less time away from the family. Children need to spend time with their fathers daily. Fathers should be offering their child time to play, laugh, hug, and teach. Children grow up way too quickly. Learn to have fun with your child.

3. Men sometimes feel that if they become too demonstrative with their child, their child will grow up to be a “sissy.” The opposite may be the truth. Many men who are gay or bisexual say that the lack of their father’s attention made them crave male attention more. Fathers should feel free to hug, cuddle, kiss, tickle, play wrestling games, as well as read stories, work on a puzzle, create a map of your neighborhood and mark places familiar to your child, and take long walks with your child. Teach your child everything you know. You are the person your child is imitating day in and day out. If you weren’t raised with a demonstrative father or family, then fake it and learn how to reach your child through feelings and creativity.

4. Fathers don’t need to be one of the kids; they need to be the role model that their child looks up to. Your child will love to listen to your lifetime adventures, meet your friends, and listen to what you do every day. Listen to your child, talk with your child, give your child appropriate chores, have high expectations of your child and his accomplishments, and always take every chance you can to interact with your child. Also remember to teach your child respect for himself and for his mother.

A child copies the attitudes of his mother and father, i.e., bigotry, fairness, justice, optimism, pessimism, etc. Be sure your attitudes are fair and caring. Work with your partner as a “team” in developing ways to discipline that has compassion. Occasionally ask your partner “how you’re doing.” Once you’ve developed a healthy relationship with your child, you will notice that your child responds more easily to you, not out of fear, but out of respect and the desire to please you. Being a source of inspiration and insight to your developing child brings with it rewarding feedback.