The best way to find out if your teenager is sexually active is simply to ask them. You might be shocked at the response you get. Many teens are sexually active or are being pressured to become so, and they really want a grown up to talk to.
If that is not the case in your house, ask anyway. A mother can usually tell when her child isn’t being entirely truthful. Believe it or not, your teenager really wants you to ask, even if he or she doesn’t act like it.
Remember, parents are the first and last line of defense in their children’s lives. When parents fail to establish clear boundaries and rules for their children’s behavior and safety, they leave the door open for disaster.
So the best way to protect your children from STDs, teenage pregnancies or the guilt and depression that is common when teens become sexually active is by teaching them that their worth as persons is not determined by their level of premarital sexual activity. As obvious as it seems, your children need to hear it from you.
Back when I was a teen twenty five years ago, kids felt extraordinary pressure to have premarital sex. Peers groups made teens feel unaccepted and unworthy if they weren’t sexually experienced by the time their teenage years ended. The fact is nothing has changed. It’s still that way today for your teen. Even more so, thanks to the messages our children receive everyday in the media.
We would all like to believe that the epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases has dissuaded teens from premarital sex, yet statistics show that not to be the case.
Research demonstrated that the number of sexually active teenage girls has quadrupled in the last 50 years! Over that same period, the average age at which girls first engaged in sex dropped from 19 to 15. In the 1950s, only one of every ten teenage girls was sexually active. But by the year 2000, one of every two teenage girls had premarital sex.
Researchers point to teenagers’ lowered feelings of guilt and growing acceptance of premarital sex as the major causes of increased sexual behavior. We can only blame the ’sexualzation’ of our children in the media for this change.
Of course there is no foolproof way to know if your teenager is sexually active — only a medical expert can know for sure. So just ask your teenager if you aren’t sure.
The most visible indicators of sexual activity on the part of your teen are often the emotional signs.
If a teen suddenly withdraws from family life, or if they’ve become more secretive, defensive, or aggressive when you try to talk about it, it’s a good indication that your teen is sexually active.
On the flip side, some teens (particularly girls) may start dressing inappropriately and clearly crossing the boundaries of acceptable behavior in public.
The real danger is that a sexually active teen is more likely to start drinking, smoking, and using drugs. Any sign of these related activities should alert you to the possibility that your teen is sexually active. So, as I said before, just ask.
For more information on raising teens and keeping them safe online visit us at: http://www.pctattletale.com/tips.htm
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A long time child online safety advocate, Don Schnure is president and CEO of Parental Control Products, LLC, the makers of PC Tattletale Internet monitoring software and Teen Chat Decoder.com an online acronym decoder for parents.
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