You can hear a pin drop. The bustle and buzz of movement and conversation has died down. Everyone has found their seat and is settling down for the program. A hush descends…

“CAN I HAVE A WEE-WEE!!”

Us knowing she means a feed doesn’t diminish the embarrassment one teeny weeny bit.

All of us may at one time need to attend a public occasion which will involve trying to keep the children quiet. It could be a concert, a meeting of some sort, or a school assembly program; many go to religious meetings every week, sometimes several times a week. Keeping children quiet can be quite a challenge. Here are some steps toward helping your child to appreciate when quiet is needed - much more fruitful alternatives to “SHUT UP!”

To begin with, you may be able to sit them on your lap, or distract them with something. Allow them to play on the floor if they want, and decorum allows. Obviously this will depend on where you are and what your aims are in the meeting. This may work for a while, but if the noise continues:

1. Describe what is required. “We use our quiet voice here.” Or, “We don’t talk during the meeting/performance.” This can be repeated several times. It takes a while for the message to sink in.

2. Give information. “It’s disturbing for others to hear talking.” Making every effort not to say “you”, casting your child into the role of annoying noise-maker. After all, it’s disturbing for the audience to hear any noise.

3. State expectations. “When I say we use our quiet voice, I expect only a quiet voice to be used.”

4. Express your feelings “I’m getting very annoyed with all this noise.”

5. Offer a choice. “You can sit in here quietly or you can sit outside with an angry Daddy.”

6. Take Action. And if the chatter continues, “I see you chose to sit outside.”

7. Express your feelings again. “I feel so annoyed to be out here when we could be in there.”

8.Allow the child to experience the consequences of his behaviour. The consequences are being outside with an frustrated parent, and being told so. Don’t think that this does not go a long way with your child.

And that is about your limit. When they ask to go back in, you have to judge whether it is worth it. Once you have expressed your feelings, that might be enough for your little one to appreciate the gravity of the situation. You could repeat the choice and go back in. If you don’t feel it is advisable to go back in, you could simply say that you don’t feel confident enough, just yet. “We can go back in at the break.” Or, “Next time, we can be in there. But this time, we’re staying out here.”

I must stress: Don’t underestimate how discomfiting it is to have an angry parent. That might be your limit, but I believe what Dr Ginott says is quite true: “Mothers disapproval weighs heavily upon a child. It takes the flavour out of everything. Grandma could bake him his favourite cake, but to him it wouldn’t taste so sweet.”

This might be a method that has to be repeated time and time again, but it is good for patience to be a parent’s long suit, and we trust that eventually our children will understand that there is a time and a place for being quiet.

Further Reading How To Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk - Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish