Priorities of parents and teachers are usually quite different than the priorities of their kids. Kids are expert testers of limits with precision radar for just how far they can push you. The struggle can get so tough that it is understandable when the adults find themselves shortcutting their way through a matter just so they can put it behind them or move on to something else. The result is that the long-term reward is sacrificed to get the immediate relief they crave.

But you will experience a splendid payoff sooner than you can imagine if you dedicate yourself to keeping your eye on the behavior prize. It takes a little discipline and a lot of resolve but it gets easier and soon, instead of agonizing about the problem, you will be having more fun as you interact with the kids in your life. These four powerful tips will help parents and educators to teach respect, get respect and make life easier for everyone:

1. Do what you say you will. When you tell your child that fighting with her sister means time out, do you mean to say “If I am not too tired or if I am angry enough I will make sure you go to time out.” Do not fall into the fantasy that giving in will make your child happy or keep peace. Exactly the opposite, your kids crave those limits that keep them safe from the burden of having to test them all the time.

The Resolution: Give your child the gift of consistency.

2. Be careful about the commitments you make. That means, make no enticing promises until you are sure you can follow through. If you tell your teen you are going to the mall or your toddler you are going to the park, then you let them down, you are teaching them they cannot rely on what you say. And you give them opportunities to criticize you, and be right about it. Demonstrate integrity and accountability for your words. As they grow up, why would your kids keep their word if you don’t? They do what you teach them.

The Resolution: Before you talk about your plans, think them through thoroughly. [Apologize and reschedule if something serious comes up, just as you would with anyone else.]

3. Be sure you are asking for something your child can deliver. Sometimes parents or teachers take for granted their kids can “just do it” You may be expecting them to accomplish something they have not mastered. There are many versions of teeth well brushed. They may be lost at how to prepare, organize or start a task. Kids get stuck, wanting to please but struggling with how to meet your expectations.

The Resolution: Spend the time needed to work with your child to fully learn the skills you expect to see.

4. Give positive consequences! Kids do not get enough words of praise. If your child does something new and improved, praise with specific words.“Thank you for remembering to call home when you said you would.” Don’t spoil the success by picking up on other problems. Parents tend to roll their praising into complaining, going to the next thing they want fixed for example “Well, you did a good job of cleaning your room but you aren’t brushing your teeth very well.” Let them have little victories to build their sense of pride and motivate them to keep trying. If your child has struggled to get through a tough school project or made a breakthrough on something that has been a challenge, celebrate. One to one time is a priceless gift to give your child. Play a game together. Cook something together.

The resolution: Give them praise and special time together and they will have no reason to tune you out.

Make it a priority to keep working on these and you will be amazed at how it just keeps getting better!